“Dancing the Salsa, would Ed Balls and his partner please take to the floor”

Not a line that I ever thought that I would be writing nor one that Alan Dedicoat thought that he would ever be announcing to the masses on a Saturday evening. WTF or LMAO would possible be more appropriate responses in the modern era but I did choke on my seaweed and carrot smoothie (it takes effort ladies), as I heard the news that the former Shadow Chancellor and class bully has signed up for Strictly Come Prancing. I suppose it is an obvious career step; a former Harvard postgraduate and Economic Secretary to the Treasury swopping suits and discussions with the Bank of England and its Monetary Policy Committee for a snug fitting sequinned number and a weekly meeting with the fake tan lady whose job it is to ensure that you would not look out of place on the Cuprinol colour chart. I wish him well and must admit to being a little envious; not because he will look better than the Chesh in unforgiving fluorescent polyester disco pants-he won’t, obviously- but because most men of a certain age have to pay an eye-watering amount to get to grips with a shapely Eastern European lady wearing very little-not the other way round. Being somewhat shocked was the order of the week as rent-a-quote, I hate the Establishment, former director of Liberty, Shari Chakrabarti came over all Neil Kinnock and accepted a peerage. Really, should we surprised by peoples’ behaviour?

A rhetorical question that I answered earlier this week when told by a landlord that, “If you did your f£$*&ng job properly, this wouldn’t have happened”. When I pointed out that he had actually found the tenants and moved them in against my advice, he accused me of being some sort of merchant banker… When I further pointed out that none of the tenants that Cheshire & Co had found for him were in arrears, he told me that he would see me next Tuesday (work it out…).

Unsurprising human behaviour was again to the fore when I received a telephone call from a lady who I mentioned some months ago in this blog. Having received the instruction to market her property, behold, a miracle occurred and the corporate agent (whose contract was 24 hours from coming to an end) had somebody who was going to buy her house that very day. Five months later and the buyer has now disappeared and the likelihood of the house being sold through the corporate agent is even smaller than Tom Daley’s budgie smugglers. The lady had followed my advice and had kept a log of all her communication with the agent. This was on a par in brevity with a haiku poem; not one ‘phone call from the agent. Every piece of information the vendors had gleaned, they had had to extract from the agent’s office by visiting it in person and not leaving until getting some sort of answer to their questions. Words fail me.

What did bring a smile to my face was reading the promotional blurb for yet another online estate agent. Having signed and more importantly paid up front for the ‘advanced marketing package’ and the ‘gold standard viewing package’, the said agent would find you, ‘your perfect buyer’. Let me tell you, however troublesome they may be throughout the viewing, consideration and exchange process, once they complete, all buyers are perfect.