As the season of goodwill staggers to the finish line – not that ‘goodwill’ would have been the sentiment that first came to the fore if one had had to suffer another enfilade attack (consult your military manual if you don’t know what it means), from the screaming hoards in the aisles of a well-known supermarket – I have decided that in the pursuit of self-improvement, I will in the coming months resolve not to be so cynical and critical of my fellow man. After all, not everyone can be as close to perfection as myself. 2014 will begin with a greater understanding of the frailties of the human condition, engendering sympathy for those less fortunate than myself, thus fostering a more harmonious relationship with all those with whom I interact. But that is 2014, next year. Wherever one currently is in the world it is still 2013, so I have chosen in the final blog of this calendar year to remain true to form and vent my spleen on some of the shysters, prevaricators, fabricators and fibbers. Having just studied the Rightmove figures for the past few months I am – at first glance – awed, humbled and not a little envious of the success of many of my fellow agents, who appear to be listing on average, 17 new properties a month and have been doing so for the past 5 years. On a second, more measured appraisal of the figures, I am suspicious and quizzical, then enlightened. If these agents (most of whom it should be noted are of the younger generation), are as staggeringly successful as they claim through their Rightmove listings why are they still operating from their office in South wales and not their day bed poolside on the Costa Del Crime whilst Svetlana rubs them down with oil and not much else? The answer is because on closer investigation, the ‘new’ properties listed are existing stock and having renewed the tenancy the agent is claiming them to be fresh on the books of their agency. These properties then repeatedly appear as available every six months. It seems to the older and more jaundiced eye of those of us that have been around since the Rolling Stones were genuinely a ‘new’ band, that these young thrusters of the estate agency world do not wish to build their business through referrals, recommendations and old-fashioned graft. It is instead a competition to compare the size of one’s genitalia through the numbers game of Rightmove listings. Size is everything. Now remember ladies, when it comes to size, the male of the species can be prone to exaggeration. That is why so many of you are so rubbish at parking your car, as your appreciation of what constitutes 6 inches bears little correlation to a school ruler.
“Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah… didn’t miss the boat” [sic] Mark Twain I really couldn’t have put it any better myself.